Can't even do me the courtesy

I've loved and lost and loved again
And I knew you
I knew you very well
You were my best friend.

But now that it's over and done
What happened to those days
Where you called me the one?

And all I asked from you was to let me go
Tell me you no longer love
And to use your words in full

The love is gone
And I need to hear it
Don't tell me it's still there when you no longer feel it
Use your words and tell me what I don't want to hear
I asked you to do so
But for some reason you retain fear

Now do me the honor of speaking your truth
Tell me you no longer love me and that our past is in our youth
Do me one last courtesy and tell me no more lies
Our love is gone and has long since died

You're like everyone else

Don't you realize what you've done?
I'm broken down because of you
emotionless
careless
I don't care what I do

I hate you sometimes
because you were my best friend
and i told you
and sadly i knew
i never was for you

but your lies, i knew they were lies
but you promised me, made me believe so much in you
I've invested all that I had left
and you promised you'd never make me sad
but look at me now?
and where are you? Happily alone because it doesn't effect you
well I always knew you'd do this to me!
and I hate you! and I hate me.
I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want to love you anymore

I keep going back to the day we met
and everything inbetween
the day I should of never gone out
Do you remember all those things you told me? those lies?
do you even know what you said?

you said you loved me, never leave, you made me stay
gave me an ultimatum because all i wanted to do was stray
but instead I CHOSE LOVE
because your lies were so convincing

Were you even listening? When I told you I was scared? That I didn't want to be in love if it meant being hurt again? That I knew the distance would effect us? That your affection would leave once my guard was down?

BUT YOU PROMISED
you promised a lot
and you let me down
you broke my heart
and i always knew that you'd be like the rest
and I hate you
I HATE YOU SO MUCH
because I love you way too much

Do you cry every night like I do?
Do you hold your pillows tight wishing it was me?
Do you want to sleep forever just so you can forget my memory?
it's not  fair


You are like everyone else
Promise me one thing and then do another
I told you you'd hurt me
and now all i do scream. hating myself for even letting you touch me. Letting you kiss me and brain wash me
From your past I should of known
I'm not the only heart you've broken
I'm not the only you've hurt
You're a liar! a quitter!
You don't even know what you want
and you dragged me with you

I should of let you go that day... when i told you this would happen.
God, I wish I could go back to that
I wish I could of broken your heart... left you to sleep alone that day

And today you said you'd call
god knows what you're doing
but I've yearned for your voice for the last time
You've lost me
I want to and will be out of love with you
I want nothing to do with you

How could you hurt me like this?
Why would you do that? I am in so much pain, and you are just fine aren't you?
Well I hope you never feel like I do
I hope you never need anyone like I need you

Now I will never believe anything anyone says
I will never ever love again
I wont be that fool that I've always been
I will go back to my old ways
just as when you met me
except this time
i wont let any man trick me

I hope you feel guilty, if anything at all
I wish you'd admit that our love is gone
correction, your love
Just tell me you don't love me anymore, like you should've done a while ago

to me you are a liar and betrayer. Someone i can no longer trust or be friends with.
I want to forget you
for the rest of my life
you hurt me more than all my ex's combined
was that your intention? because you knew about my past. or are you just blind?

I cry every night! I'm tortured ever day. Sometimes I collapse with the heaviness of my heart, literally collapse. is this what you wanted for me? Are you trying to teach me a lesson? Do you think I deserve this?
Why would you hurt me so bad?
When you knew it'd throw me over the edge.

I lose my breath. I've lost my light. I was fine before you! I was healing
WHY DID I EVER GO OUT THAT NIGHT?
WHY DID I EVER MEET YOU?
I don't deserve this and I don't want to need you

and i know you've already moved on
because you don't need to hear my voice
you're not even sad or upset
you're happy
you don't even think about me
Do you care that I am still awake because you said you'd call
I know it's late but I am hoping this is not another one of your lies
but it is
a false promise
that maybe one day we'd get back together
but no
because you gave up
you're a quitter
you lied to me

and at least I'm not messaging your friends
asking where you are, creepily trying to find out what you are doing
because i already know
I know everything
just like I knew how this would turn out

Stop telling me things I want to hear and for once just tell me the truth
Tell me you never loved me
you don't even know what love is.
Tell me to forget you
because god knows I want to .
I wish I never met you
Never brought you back to my room.
I HATE MYSELF
and i hate you
because I picked another like all the rest
someone who'd end up hurting me
a boy just like everyone else

I sure do know how to pick them don't I?
Thanks for breaking my heart
Thanks for being like all the rest but hurting me so much more
you've lost me
and it will never be the same

Do you even love me anymore?

For what it's worth
I already know
I've been knowing
that spark, the tiny glimmer of light
well, its faded
not mine
just yours
I know that you've been jaded
but your own brain
forcing to continuing
when you its wrong
So then,
Why won't you just let me know
your letting it linger
putting on a show
an act.
of a false love between you and me
because you no longer love
you no longer love me

They come and go (Playing with Fire)

A shadow of my everyday
i think of time with looks and stares
Until the clock stuck done
i walk upon clouds so proud and shout
I am bound but un-tied in my ways
do i deserve even a gaze?
but i dare lay my eyes on attraction
i am the female lion
ready to pounce and attack them

Oh but everyday now must go by
where i can never lay upon my eyes
the mystery of a missed history
a unknown prediction of running and wishing
My vanity cannot control the sanity
it's over, now in the past


Moment

The match has lit
and in due time
imagination will run wild

You are the object in view
dressed in black, you look back
with no words
and stole bits of my heart
each and every time

Think first, Then Speak

When i mouth words i did not mean to mention
or stumble on ever line
do not judge my every character.
Yet the depth within those words
and their value
can cause seas to stir
resinate amongst the "Ought to Matters"


I feel like a rapper or actor who told everyone via twitter that they are leaving the business... When i announced my departure from Facebook only to return two and half weeks later.

Sometimes I can't tell

Sometimes I can't tell
sometimes I don't know
how you really feel
when you're all alone
are your words so true
that everything you say and do
belongs to me
or belongs to you

Sometimes I can't tell
sometimes I don't know
where innocence went
where new became norm
where passion is gone
I think too much but am not wrong
have you changed sir?
don't drag me along.

The past, present and premature
show me strongly that you have the ability to care
display your affection
or my detection
of a love gone awry
will break a heart with the inability of repair

I can't feel it from you anymore

Sometimes I can't tell
sometimes I don't know
how you really feel
when you're all alone
are your words so true
that everything you say and do
belongs to me
or belongs to you

Sometimes I can't tell
sometimes I don't know
where innocence went
where new became norm
where passion is gone
I think too much but am not wrong
have you changed sir?
don't drag me along.

i no longer enjoy the company of just any man

I no longer enjoy the company of just any man
if a man
no man indeed
they are not men
but boys to men they have yet to succeed
but i once pleasured myself with boys to be
growing up with them as they came to be
as i grew too
into a lady
respecting thyself and smiling with ease

I no longer enjoy the company of just any man
there's man
a man indeed
man amongst men
someone who has long been with success
one, only one, whom i want to obsess
growing old with him, a dream yet to be
with love for me... too
i am his baby

an he's my man. with none to compare, nor would i want to. id never dare. he's a gem and with that... very rare. I love him with all. He's the only man that i'd give my time to... even my spare.


dedicated to roy grenier:
took me a long time to realize i don't want anyone else but you. I don't even enjoy hanging around other boys unless you are there.. you're my best friend and i love you very much