The words she knows the tune she hums: A V-Day Special

and it gets easier everyday

to forget and forgive

but that feeling. no its not gone

during day light hours it's easy to forget, forget i used to know your name

the darkness though,

lonely and cold

like it's always been

but it's different this time

this time i dont know

it never mattered before that you weren't around

what matters now is the Fact that your not around

I, as always have been no friend to sleep 

avoiding as much as i can

as much as my body will allow

my days are not much better. bombarding my time with obligations and fast paced blurry memories of more responsibilities 

not that im not happy

no

you must know i love this type of lifestyle

busy, hectic & crazy

you must know

i never had time

we never had time

Know that I am happy

but 

you must know that i still miss that soul

that soul that watched me grow up

and i think that's what im most bitter about, having someone you care about watch you grow

grow to be who you are now

Stumbling upon you so young. so naive

To a man, really

An almost adult figure, on the brink of figuring out their life

with just a little bit more time to have fun

that's where i fell in

naive as I was, Im not who you may think  I was

I've never had this before. a year ago it was all so new to me. and you, most likely a veteran didn't even consider how this would end

to allow me, and watch me dig deeper and deeper into my own grave

you watch

and i believe you knew it was wrong, what you were doing was wrong. we were never on the same level. Still, your actions suggested differently. the many things you'd done to cause my brain to be so gullible and ignore the truth

the truth that you never really felt the same

and letting you watch me be a girl falling in lust and then falling out

that's the part that hurts

because it makes me feel embarrassed that you ever saw that side of me, the actually side that you should only feel privileged to have seen

Those feelings meant something to me, everything i ever did took a lot for me to do

i thought you cared more than that to let me linger. especially when we used to talk about the end way before it was the end

I thought things would of been different

and Im not angry

far from

slightly bitter

because it makes me feel ashamed. that in actuality i am partly weak. i am partly human

and maybe it makes feel a little sad from time to time

that i think i might have really lost something good, and maybe it makes me upset to think that maybe you've never thought that at all

Though. look at us. both im assuming successful. both working on our careers. we werent meant to last. we were meant to go on and keep growing

using each other only for the best of reasons

i couldn't say thank you enough

i am definitely where i need to be at

this was meant to be

bitter sweet

but i cant help but hope that this goodbye isnt really a goodbye and over time, when all has calmed down that i could look into those eyes and say "hi, how have you been?"

at least you were never a shitty friend

just a shitty boyfriend

:)

dont take that offensively

we had some good times

and if clothes came off the next time i saw you, well im not exactly opposed to the idea

happy valentines day