I feel nothing for him

I Suffer, I suffer
I cant
but endure
I Suffer

I Tried hard to overcome my selfishness that is prisoning me from having an actually loving relationship
I worked on commitment, sacrifices, and openness
I've done it
and now that I have
I am bored with it
In the Short amount of time I have had an actually working relationship, I feel as though I'm over it. That's it, onto something new

I can honestly say, I went for the unexpected, the out of my comfort zone, the not what I usually go for aka Jew Pride

I feel. Well, I feel rather savage. I have a great guy and "I'm over it?" how selfish. How completely blind i must me
This guy loves every inch of me
He's my best friend
and I think that's the problem
He is my best friend

I had my fill of perfection
I realized i am incapable of giving love fully
and I am a commitment phobe

If you want to be with me it;s on my terms
and if i want to be with you, that again; it on my terms

Selfish, self absorbed, careless, inconsiderate, and easily annoyed
Characteristics of myself
the negative ones of coarse
the positive? They are:
Demanding, Driven, Work a holic, confident, independent, motivated

So is this it
I went from a girl falling deeper and deeper in lust/ love to a girl experiencing love and falling more and more out each day

I want to go back to my old ways
It feels right
I don;t want to hurt anyone
But this feels right to me
and if I stop feeling for you all together, then whats the point on prolonging our courtship when one or the other isn't fully happy

I'm happy this happened when it did
its unfortunate when it did
and I am sorry if I cause you any pain
I will always have love for you
you are my best friend
but I am starting to lose what I did once feel
and I wont let you be dragged down with me

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