The words she knows the tune she hums: A V-Day Special

and it gets easier everyday

to forget and forgive
but that feeling. no its not gone
during day light hours it's easy to forget, forget i used to know your name
the darkness though,
lonely and cold
like it's always been
but it's different this time
this time i dont know
it never mattered before that you weren't around
what matters now is the Fact that your not around

I, as always have been no friend to sleep 
avoiding as much as i can
as much as my body will allow
my days are not much better. bombarding my time with obligations and fast paced blurry memories of more responsibilities 

not that im not happy
you must know i love this type of lifestyle
busy, hectic & crazy
you must know
i never had time
we never had time
Know that I am happy
you must know that i still miss that soul
that soul that watched me grow up
and i think that's what im most bitter about, having someone you care about watch you grow
grow to be who you are now
Stumbling upon you so young. so naive
To a man, really
An almost adult figure, on the brink of figuring out their life
with just a little bit more time to have fun
that's where i fell in

naive as I was, Im not who you may think  I was
I've never had this before. a year ago it was all so new to me. and you, most likely a veteran didn't even consider how this would end
to allow me, and watch me dig deeper and deeper into my own grave
you watch
and i believe you knew it was wrong, what you were doing was wrong. we were never on the same level. Still, your actions suggested differently. the many things you'd done to cause my brain to be so gullible and ignore the truth

the truth that you never really felt the same

and letting you watch me be a girl falling in lust and then falling out
that's the part that hurts
because it makes me feel embarrassed that you ever saw that side of me, the actually side that you should only feel privileged to have seen
Those feelings meant something to me, everything i ever did took a lot for me to do
i thought you cared more than that to let me linger. especially when we used to talk about the end way before it was the end
I thought things would of been different
and Im not angry
far from
slightly bitter
because it makes me feel ashamed. that in actuality i am partly weak. i am partly human
and maybe it makes feel a little sad from time to time
that i think i might have really lost something good, and maybe it makes me upset to think that maybe you've never thought that at all

Though. look at us. both im assuming successful. both working on our careers. we werent meant to last. we were meant to go on and keep growing
using each other only for the best of reasons
i couldn't say thank you enough
i am definitely where i need to be at
this was meant to be
bitter sweet
but i cant help but hope that this goodbye isnt really a goodbye and over time, when all has calmed down that i could look into those eyes and say "hi, how have you been?"

at least you were never a shitty friend
just a shitty boyfriend
dont take that offensively
we had some good times
and if clothes came off the next time i saw you, well im not exactly opposed to the idea

happy valentines day


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