Cellabacy of the worst kind

I find myself ruined
I find others ruined
by love
their pleasure taken away
and replaced by pain
or worse
replaced with nothing

Nothingness
They feel nothing
when they are kissed, hugged or touched
Nothingness
when they Lust, love, or fuck

Why bother to indulge in intimacy?
Why bother in letting others in
in your heart and in your mind
or even inside of you
when you know for a fact you will feel nothing
if anything

I declare of vow of self love
not sexually
but personally
I declare
I am in a relationship with myself
we are having problems
but I am willing to work them out

I am married to myself
and for better or for worse
I will try to love myself

though this wandering eye
may want to stray
may want cheat and lie
I will do my best
to listen to myself
and be by myself
Until I find the best
of the best
of all the rest